I Was Waiting for This


Monumentally bad night. Will give short version of events at Reunion. Barely knew anybody; this branch of the family is one I've met once in my life. Didn't fit in, didn't socialize well and realized what little snots my cousins are. Nice to know that even in my family I'm uncool. Everyone, of course, idolized my brother. My hair did not like the humidity so I look like the bride of Frankenstein in my photos. Car broke down, dad's email account got hacked, my cell phone chose that weekend to die its final death, San Diego during Labor Day was FREAKING. CROWDED. How the hell do people live like that? Crammed in like sardines? Aunties and Uncle are incredible gossips. Felt uncomfortable being around them the entire time. Family secrets were laundered, publicly, causing some dissent. but there were good points too. Very beautiful place, if a little too nice. Sitting around the beach with palm trees and coconuts can get boring real fast as does picture perfect houses and people.
My uncle is a hoot. Showed my stupid art blog to people and they seemed to like it. maybe they'll think I'm a little bit less of a loser than before. Which brings us to tonight.
Yesterday we spent 12 freaking hours in a car. Today had to get groceries because I had none. Crankiness brought out the best in us so:
here's the skinny of my life at fucking thirty years old. I am a loser of immense proportions;
yes I fucking suck. I have no life, I have no job, I have no boyfriend, children or potential boyfriend or social life. I have no job prospects. I don't want to fucking work at Kohls. Or Wal-Mart. or Home Depot and congratulations to all the people who do because yes, you're better than me. but at I have my sanity. people don't like me, i'm not friendly, i'm not social, i don't text, i don't buy expensive things, i shop at a thrift store, i like being intellectual, not popular. as both my parents, BOTH of them jumped down my goddamned throat tonight they also pointed out that I'm too old for this. too old to be out of work, too old to be dependant on them because it's a shitload of fun for me to be dependent at thirty. having a whole lotta fun here and even more fun at the reunion explaining how fucking awesome I am sans marriage, job, boyfriend, potential future, close friends, success and any hope of being successful because apparently I won't ever be.