Thursday, May 13, 2010

Almost, not quite

After spending a night stricken with anxiety and cold fear about spending nine hours on a shift I came to the conclusion that it may be better to search for a job with fewer hours. Nine am to Six pm is just...too long of a day for me at this moment. Not only that but I haven't had a reply yet so the position may already be filled. I also imagine that this is something I'm going to have to get used to; that in order to get a job at all I'm going to be sending out a lot of resumes before someone wants to interview me. Whheew. Damn, but its exhausting living in fear. You want to know what it's like? Like being between a rock and a hard place. Not working is horrible; filling empty days with hobbies that feel horrible because you're not really doing anything productive. And pushing to work; spending the days in living terror and anxiety at the unknown, knowing there really isn't any place that is willing to compromise with your unique mindset. Having to suck it up and live through the fear to move forward.

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