Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Pecking Order

You have to admit, standing back and looking from a different angle at all my neurosis, that it's an interesting study in behavior and psychology- what sets off the anxiety within me. This morning I had worked myself into a fever pitch, complete with the shakes about going in and continuing volunteering even though the logical portion of my mind says, 'WTF, suck it up idiot'. Of course logic also dictates that the alternatives are undesirable; I could quit and run away but the consequence would be a slide back into depression and feelings of worthlessness rather than coping with the anxiety and trying to expand my little world.
So I went.
And I learned more valuable lessons in life and dealing with people. I learned today that GM does not like me. I wouldn't say a personal dislike and it may improve with time but for the moment; oh yea she doesn't like me.
A moment, please, to explain how my brain works when dealing with new situations and learning new concepts. A pattern that my teachers noted even when I was a child was that while it seems to take me longer than most to get the concept, once I've gotten the concept I'm a genius with it.
So, right now, when I ask GM repeatedly how something works its not that I don't get it, or I'm not getting it, it's just how my brain works; it'll take a while for me to assimilate but once I've understood how it works I'll work wonders. It's do you explain that to someone without coming off sounding like a retard?
and the woman has no patience. at all.
Today was a sort of blah day. First week of the new semester, not much going on, just sitting around mostly. I met several other volunteers that I liked quite a bit. Talked to Director of gallery (hearby known as the Director) and I like her quite a bit too; she's very easy to get along with. Learned that snark in the workplace is not limited to retail as one visitor bitched out GM about not having lables for each and every one-hundred and forty four items in the gallery that will only be up for two weeks. Ah, it was like old times; people biting your head off for stupid things like not having pre-shrunk cotton t-shirts on hand. I don't think I'll ever work in retail again if I can help it.
Noted the admirable difference in personality with GM as she's super cheerful with other people but short and bitchy with me. My favorite moment for the day was dropping off boxes in storage and she bends over to heave one in her arms (seriously, wtf are you doing with it?) then barks out, 'I need some help with this!!' becaaause I'm supposed to read her mind apparently. Mother advises me to chew her out, father tells me its the pecking order for the newbie and to just stick it out. Hmm, in this particular situation seeing how we are working closely together I don't honestly see the merit in getting into nasty fight (which is what it would turn into) and have to work with those bad feelings and know that behind my back she's saying aaall sorts of happy things about me. Which I get the feeling she's already doing. Seriously, is this how it is in the work place?

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