Monday, December 28, 2009

End of the Road

Better than what I expected; being together with family on Christmas. For whatever reasons brother is marginally better behaved than last year. Somehow I haven't really felt Christmas for some time now; felt it in the world around me. Or maybe this is the passage of becoming an adult; when the holidays just become another day for those who are not fortunate to possess wealth and family. Just another day. Perhaps a symptom of our times. The weather this year is a great deal colder than it has been before, its finally acting like winter around here with actual snow storms. The next one on new years. Went out to see my grandfather and embarassed him with showers of presents and love. We're a lot alike, my grandpa and I; neither of us truly comfortable with the spotlight but I am so very happy that he's doing just fine out there. He's got a war of wills with the neighborhood ladies who have taken him up as their cause. In fact they called while we were all there and offered to bring him food and company but being he has family already that loves him and visits as often as he will let them he said no. He's also adopted (sort of) a cat one of the neighbors left behind that has turned half-feral and won't come near us and will only show up for food and shelter when it's too cold.
Back in my own home now for a while; brother's girlfriend is coming out tomorrow to stay for a while.
Mixed feelings about this. There isn't enough room for all of us so the only way I can stay at the parents house is if I'm willing to sleep on the floor. It's truly a strange thought; our family expanding and I don't think I am entirely comfortable with it. We're so closely knit, for all these years to add more seems like an intrusion. I don't want a sister-in-law, I don't want to be supplanted as daughter number one and as childish as it seems that's what it feels like, sort of. She emails my mother a lot but doesn't really make any contact with me. Not that I'm adverse to it; I just warm slowly to change. I'm perfectly content with the status quo as it is.
Seems like a busy week for me. I have a lot of ideas to put forth for the coming year. Wednesday friend is coming over to hang out and I'm planning on taking her to a local tea house then shop at a vintage boutique (and possibly expose her to the wonders of vintage computer games like Princess Maker). New Years, I'm not really sure what I'm doing. Possibly will ask other friend to hang out and eat take-out and play X-Box till the wee hours of the morning. Was I supposed to reflect on the last year? Maybe New Years Eve I will.
You know, if I were a different person; braver perhaps, not so flawed with neuroticisms I wanted to be one of those people who fly out to Times Square to bring in the New Year. I wish I new more people. I used to go to parties, way back when, for New Years. Now we're all scattered.
Well. That's the grand update for now.

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