Friday, September 25, 2009

Leaps and Bounds

Life always manages to amuse me and really piss me off all at the same time. The four years I spent in college I tried to make friends and be social (I really did). I asked fellow students who shared classes with me if they wanted to grab a bite to eat at the new soup place downtown, I went to events, joined clubs and put myself out there (probably not as much as I should have but still...) and nothing really came of it; I came away mostly with vague aquaintance's that showed a mediocre interest in my personal self which was very off putting and aggravating considering I've known some of these people for three years and they never ONCE thought to ask about me, or return the interest or invitation to be social. Really annoying. So all in the space of a weekend (last weekend) I get flooded with social contact, good and bad.

First the wedding.
Okay, I fully admit I let some of my bitter feelings get to me a little too much. I just don't like a world that doesn't seem to care to put forth the effort to be friendly back to me when I put myself out there. Personally, I consider it rude and just sad that most people are so self-absorbed or ill taught as to not return interest to people trying to be friendly (there's another topic I want to write about; the modern me-first society that we live in) but okay, the wedding.
It was really nice. My neighbor spent a year in China and met his fiancee there and they came back here to be married. It was in a friend's (very spacious) back yard and would have been even better if the weather cooperated a little more. Nothing more uncomfortable than 90 degree heat bouncing off of concrete into your face and the late afternoon desert wind picking up and knocking over tables. The DJ was corny, the ceremony was short, there was cake and lots of food and really hot Asian relatives(friends?) of the bride (why don't American men take note from Asia on fashion!?). I shook a lot of hands, smiled a lot but my family and I being mere neighbors didn't really socialize a lot (although that one guy managed to ask me if I golfed recently; I told him once five years ago that I was on the high school golf team (my parents idea) and ever since then he thinks that I actually care about golfing and do it all the time which I DON'T, I haven't picked up a golf club in over 12 years).
Also came to the conclusion that even if I were in a relationship I'm nowhere near marrying which I suppose is odd for such an old female such as me (the biological clock is ticking, dear).

Sunday was a day of hilarity and misunderstanding. A couple of things that led up to Sunday;
First, I joined an online dating network for the sole purposes of amusment (for I cruelly find people that think a functional relationship from a dating website will work hilarious. Folks, you have a better chance of winning the lottery) and had been casually talking to a guy who lives in my city. He's cute in a computer-geek way and I probably outweigh him by twenty pounds.

Second, I have a friend of sorts who told me about an event at the local Border's (and this is EXACTLY what she told me) where a group of published authors and illustrators come to sit down and look over your portfolio (writing or art) and give you constructive criticism/feedback and possible contacts to further you on your way to being published. This is the EXACT impression I got from her and no, I didn't misunderstand. We get to Border's. I am nervous which results in major fidgeting. Meet the ladies of the group; about five all quite a bit older than I am with some kind of writing printed out on recycled paper. Everyone buys a mocha-whatever covered in whipped-cream and nuts/caramel/ect. (I would have liked one but I'm flat broke, depending on my parents for survival and starting to gain fattage in my thighs anyway)
We sit. and gossip. and sit some more. and here is the actual truth of the matter:
These were not actual published authors and the illustrator lady never showed up. These were bored housewives who write as a creative outlet and hope to be published someday, in the far future, maybe. My first tip off was when one of them whipped out a twenty-five page manuscript and started reading. and reading. aaaand read some more for about a half hour in the which time I was clawing my seat in frustration and WTF's. As a side note I DID happen to notice the vague cute guy sitting next to us focused on his computer but what the hell, coffee shops are where students/geeks thrive so I didn't pay much attention at the time.
So this lady gets done reading her twenty-five page monologue about angsty teens and basketball when I turn to my fellow socially-stunted friend who brought me in the first place and said, 'WTF? I thought we were dropping in having a few words and would be out of here in twenty minutes, tops' (not in those words, exactly, just imagine something politer) and she gives me the goldfish stare and goes 'oh, no. didn't I tell you? this is an all day thing; we're going to be here for another three hours'

Yup. Time to backpeddle.

I smile sweetly and say, 'oh dear, I didn't know that. I have a previous engagement (HA HA!)that I have to be at in about twenty minutes'
in which she replies, 'WHAT engagement are you talking about? Did you have something to do?' as everyone in the group turns to stare at me and wait for a response. thank you SO much socially retarded friend who can't take a hint that I may not have been comfortable and was trying to get out without carnage and makes me suffer with the embarassment of muttering lame excuses about helping my parents with something (another reason to get a job; when in need of backing out of lame events I could always say its a work thing).
In which there is a fuss because she doesn't want to leave and I am literally stranded at Borders, my house is a twenty minute drive thattaway and my driver says , 'see if you can't find another ride'. So I excuse myself, grab my portfolio (everyone ooo'd and aaah'd and one lady said, 'your perspective is wrong' EVERYBODY'S a critic even the ones who never took an art class in their lives) and went outside to sit on the bench and give Daddy a call to come and get me.
Well that was interesting enough for one weekend but it's not over yet because God is ironic and likes smack me with the irony stick. (That bench was uncomfortable, it made my butt hurt,as a side note.) I tried to look busy and important because that area has a tendency to have a lot of beggers (who are well dressed, clean, wearing jewelry and claim they have been stranded and are in need of gas money. hmmm) that sometimes are aggressive. Out walks cute-ish computer boy who kind of wavers as he walks past me then turns around and says, 'excuse me, do I look familar?' thinking this is some kind of new panhandler method I say, 'er, well. maybe? sort of?' THEN I recognize his picture from the dating website and he gives his avatar name and now I think I may have given him the wrong impression. My first impulse was 'JOY, another human MALE being is giving me attention!! Let's be amusing and charasmatic!' so he gives me his business card and asks if we could have coffee sometime (and comments how I didn't look like I was enjoying myself in there). Isn't this sad? He IS cute but after looking in his eyes, shaking his hand and talking to him I felt nothing. (other than a sense of how strange the world is that it would throw me across the path of someone I never intended to meet) but the reaction was interesting; my first impulse was to gaily go along with whatever he said. the ride home I was thinking, 'what the hell, we'll go to coffee and talk' then as the 'i had social contact!' feeling wore off I realized I had fallen into an old pattern of mine towards the opposite sex; I go for the 'safe' men. the men I am not really attracted to (if you don't feel anything you can't get hurt) and therefore the relationship is doomed to fail even before we date. and I made myself swear after the last disastor of a relationship (it was a doozy) that I would never do it again. More things have happened since Sunday;
I dropped off a resume
I learned a new dish to cook
I played five straight hours of Fable
I created three more illustrations that need to be colored
but this is long enough for a post so I will continue on later.

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