Sunday, August 22, 2010

Of Monumental Events. Or not.

As many nights of my life of the last two years I sit here on the Saturday before the Big One. Trying to coax words of brilliance to leave for my future self and whoever else may read this dribble. I think the only thing I can take away from being twenty something is how little I really know. I’ve barely begun to understand Life As it Is and can only hope that in the future I can live each day, each year with goals and focus and knowledge that I’ve lacked in the last ten. I’ve learned painfully, wholeheartedly that my way of life is different and will never be like anyone else’s and its fine. That is- if I may, if God wills it I want to accomplish Big Things – though I do not know what. I can say on the last day of twenty-nine that I don’t feel any different from what I felt from when I was twenty five. Minor differences that only experience has lent me. Which I suppose sums it all up; its what experience makes of you not your age. From this day forward I want to leave behind old baggage and regrets as old bitterness and anger hasn’t gotten me very far. Stop being angry, stop feeling cheated, stop wishing it were different. I want to live the life I fantasized about as a stupid teenager. I want to see each day out, I want to do as many different things as I can. Its shaky ground from here. Like any foolish youngin’ I never imagined turning thirty could happen to me, I am unprepared. Life isn’t the way I expected it to be, this isn’t where I wanted to be. I don’t know what will happen from here; it feels like uncharted territory. I only hope I have learned enough to keep my head above water, whatever may come I know at least some of it will be difficult. Not much more to say. I always agreed with the motto ‘keep it short and sweet’.

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