Pawned
As an alternative source of income I decided to bring some things in to the local junk shop to sell. It was kind of funny. The lady in charge of selling had a hard poker face. I had some decent things to sell, not high grade antiques (if that were the case, they would be sold on Ebay) but trinkets that were worth a few dollars. Once nice vintage lamp with ceramic flowers with a shade. 50's cocktail picks, vintage metal frames ect. ect. What did she say?
Well, first she sat in her chair in total silence while I piles things on the counter. She takes her time rifling through then says, 'there isn't anything here that's really high quality' in a totally flat voice. She flicks a couple of things away saying they aren't worth anything then heaves a big sigh and says, 'well. I could give you fifteen dollars for this, and that's being generous'. must be a stock line for buyers (how often to you hear Rick say that on Pawn Stars?)
Well the great thing is I didn't spend more than a buck for each of those items (some less) so from five bucks or so I got a ten dollar profit. Beans, but beans I didn't have before.
You know the horrible part? She's going to drive those prices up three/four times what she paid me. That seems to be the way of pawning/selling.
God I need a job.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
Sigh
Feeling better. Blow-outs with family members is not a fun thing. Especially when they throw all your flaws in your face. Back to life as usual. Working for free, no job offers, no change. Lighting at Special Collections is having problems, have to figure that out tomorrow. nice weather, keeping busy nontheless, we'll see what happens.
Feeling better. Blow-outs with family members is not a fun thing. Especially when they throw all your flaws in your face. Back to life as usual. Working for free, no job offers, no change. Lighting at Special Collections is having problems, have to figure that out tomorrow. nice weather, keeping busy nontheless, we'll see what happens.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
I Was Waiting for This
Monumentally bad night. Will give short version of events at Reunion. Barely knew anybody; this branch of the family is one I've met once in my life. Didn't fit in, didn't socialize well and realized what little snots my cousins are. Nice to know that even in my family I'm uncool. Everyone, of course, idolized my brother. My hair did not like the humidity so I look like the bride of Frankenstein in my photos. Car broke down, dad's email account got hacked, my cell phone chose that weekend to die its final death, San Diego during Labor Day was FREAKING. CROWDED. How the hell do people live like that? Crammed in like sardines? Aunties and Uncle are incredible gossips. Felt uncomfortable being around them the entire time. Family secrets were laundered, publicly, causing some dissent. but there were good points too. Very beautiful place, if a little too nice. Sitting around the beach with palm trees and coconuts can get boring real fast as does picture perfect houses and people.
My uncle is a hoot. Showed my stupid art blog to people and they seemed to like it. maybe they'll think I'm a little bit less of a loser than before. Which brings us to tonight.
Yesterday we spent 12 freaking hours in a car. Today had to get groceries because I had none. Crankiness brought out the best in us so:
here's the skinny of my life at fucking thirty years old. I am a loser of immense proportions;
yes I fucking suck. I have no life, I have no job, I have no boyfriend, children or potential boyfriend or social life. I have no job prospects. I don't want to fucking work at Kohls. Or Wal-Mart. or Home Depot and congratulations to all the people who do because yes, you're better than me. but at I have my sanity. people don't like me, i'm not friendly, i'm not social, i don't text, i don't buy expensive things, i shop at a thrift store, i like being intellectual, not popular. as both my parents, BOTH of them jumped down my goddamned throat tonight they also pointed out that I'm too old for this. too old to be out of work, too old to be dependant on them because it's a shitload of fun for me to be dependent at thirty. having a whole lotta fun here and even more fun at the reunion explaining how fucking awesome I am sans marriage, job, boyfriend, potential future, close friends, success and any hope of being successful because apparently I won't ever be.
Monumentally bad night. Will give short version of events at Reunion. Barely knew anybody; this branch of the family is one I've met once in my life. Didn't fit in, didn't socialize well and realized what little snots my cousins are. Nice to know that even in my family I'm uncool. Everyone, of course, idolized my brother. My hair did not like the humidity so I look like the bride of Frankenstein in my photos. Car broke down, dad's email account got hacked, my cell phone chose that weekend to die its final death, San Diego during Labor Day was FREAKING. CROWDED. How the hell do people live like that? Crammed in like sardines? Aunties and Uncle are incredible gossips. Felt uncomfortable being around them the entire time. Family secrets were laundered, publicly, causing some dissent. but there were good points too. Very beautiful place, if a little too nice. Sitting around the beach with palm trees and coconuts can get boring real fast as does picture perfect houses and people.
My uncle is a hoot. Showed my stupid art blog to people and they seemed to like it. maybe they'll think I'm a little bit less of a loser than before. Which brings us to tonight.
Yesterday we spent 12 freaking hours in a car. Today had to get groceries because I had none. Crankiness brought out the best in us so:
here's the skinny of my life at fucking thirty years old. I am a loser of immense proportions;
yes I fucking suck. I have no life, I have no job, I have no boyfriend, children or potential boyfriend or social life. I have no job prospects. I don't want to fucking work at Kohls. Or Wal-Mart. or Home Depot and congratulations to all the people who do because yes, you're better than me. but at I have my sanity. people don't like me, i'm not friendly, i'm not social, i don't text, i don't buy expensive things, i shop at a thrift store, i like being intellectual, not popular. as both my parents, BOTH of them jumped down my goddamned throat tonight they also pointed out that I'm too old for this. too old to be out of work, too old to be dependant on them because it's a shitload of fun for me to be dependent at thirty. having a whole lotta fun here and even more fun at the reunion explaining how fucking awesome I am sans marriage, job, boyfriend, potential future, close friends, success and any hope of being successful because apparently I won't ever be.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Problems against Humanity
To the sniveling, posturing, mysongynist little zygote whom I saw in passing on campus today,
No. You are not funny, you are not cute, you are not clever for wearing a t-shirt reading 'I have the dick, so I make the rules.'
It it my sincere and utter hope that some enterprising woman will rip said dick off and shove it down your throat in hopes that perhaps you will learn some respect and decency for the female species. If it wouldn't give you the power rush that you so clearly and desperately desire I would have said, 'nice t-shirt, asshole' which would have probably escalated into violence because of the no-doubt asinine and male-ego inflated comment you would have come back with which would THEN have resulted in me punching you in the face.
Regretfully yours,
One Pissed Off Feminist
This is not a loving humanity sort of day. I do not like it that whenever I cross the campus all I see are hoe-bags with their tits hanging out of their barely-there blouse and every five seconds someone says 'fuck' because AWESOME we're ADULTS now and I can say it ALL THE TIME cuz it's SO COOL.
I do not like what America is becoming. I do not like the self-absorbedness that society is leaning towards. I do not think burying your face in your laptop/cell phone/incessant texting is helping basic manners which are taking a nose dive. I hate the stupidity and rudeness around me. The inward narcissism that verges on a frightening sort of fixation. I hate being the minority. I hate that my parents are not divorced, I grew up going to Sunday School,that I was instilled with manners, the ablility to think about people other than me, a moral center and basic decency and that very few people are like me. I hate that I'm really smart not because I was born that way but because I choose to make myself that way. I ask questions, I search out answers, I have an obsession about knowing things, all sorts of things that when I see other people who are so satisfied with their humdrum, boring, narrowly confined little worlds with little interest in ever breaking out of their comfort zone, that they judge ME as abnormal, it really pisses me off. I hate it because it makes me feel like a freak.
Today while at Special Collections I had my suspicions strengthened.
I noticed as they hired new student workers and that over the past few weeks I've been getting less of a warm reception than when I first started. I've made some social blunders, I believe:
-I'm really not good with names. I'm just not. After the first thirty seconds of introduction I've forgotten your name. It takes me a while but I do get it eventually. I don't generally call people by their first names until I know them pretty well. In fact, it makes me feel super awkward calling someone older than me by their first name when I barely know them. I don't know the workers at all. I see them for three minutes when I walk into the door and that's it. Because I don't call them by their first names I've distanced them from me, therefore pissing them off.
-Small talk. Oh GOD how I hate small talk. I don't give a shit about your cat or dog or kids or how you have a dentist appointment at 1:00pm. I just don't. I don't mind you talking about it, apparently that's what people do and I understand that social amenity but don't expect me to reciprocate. Maybe I'm too mannish this way but when I say something it has a point or a reason. What I ate this morning, where I'm going later in the day, what small stupid things I'm doing aren't your business and are really quite boring as is listening to you. Talk to me about something interesting, intellectual, that you're off to join the circus, or you met the mayor buying tofu at the grocery store or SOMETHING. I don't care if people want to talk about the small things in life but I don't like that I get judged for not joining in. and that's how they see me, in part. The anti-social chick who comes in a couple of times a week to photograph the art books.
-Asking people about themselves. Another Small Talk thing. and this I do have to work on because I know I'm terrible at it. The problem with being a former shut-in is that you lose all concept of being social such as asking people how they are doing (which I have started to change as today I asked everyone I saw how they're doing). Apparently people don't think of my social awkwardness as shyness and they need to give me time to get to know them but read it as snobbiness that's directed towards them and is a personal insult.
What led towards these observations about the failing of my character? Little things. I know the Head of the Department likes me. She smiles and talks to me and asks me decent questions and asks me to do things for them. Some of the people in the department are iffy; they find me decent enough. And some (the ones who thrive on the social amenities of life) find me aloof and anti-social and hard to know, which I suppose is true to some extent. But instead of reading it as, 'well, maybe she's just shy and I have to be a little more outgoing towards her' or 'some people are just quiet but I bet she has an interesting personality once you get to know her' or even 'what a social idiot! I better show her how its done and make her talk to me' I get silence on their part and little whispering, giggling conversations. When two people sit up at the front desk and are talking loudly about one thing one moment, then bend over and whisper and giggle the next, does it not make you suspicious?
And its weird too. I have never been rude (honestly, courtesy has been ground into me by my mother. If I was rude to someone somehow she would know and take it out of my hide. its really terrifying) to these people. never. I might not talk a lot but I have always said 'please' and 'thank you'. I have always made sure to clean up after myself and stay longer to help with something. I have always made sure to offer my help to someone who may need it. Maybe that's why they're on the line about me. They might not outright dislike me but they don't feel very warm towards me either.
I have to wonder, sitting back and looking at it, where lies the responsiblity? Is it my responsiblity to change my outlook, my entire personal makeup if you will, to accommodate these people? Is that my responsiblity? To conform to fit? Do I go on being who I am, those who don't like it be damned? Its a lonely world when you don't fit.
At any rate, I don't have the answers. I will, as always, pray that someday I'm going to find someplace in which I fit. This weekend will be the family reunion so I'll write up what happened next monday.
To the sniveling, posturing, mysongynist little zygote whom I saw in passing on campus today,
No. You are not funny, you are not cute, you are not clever for wearing a t-shirt reading 'I have the dick, so I make the rules.'
It it my sincere and utter hope that some enterprising woman will rip said dick off and shove it down your throat in hopes that perhaps you will learn some respect and decency for the female species. If it wouldn't give you the power rush that you so clearly and desperately desire I would have said, 'nice t-shirt, asshole' which would have probably escalated into violence because of the no-doubt asinine and male-ego inflated comment you would have come back with which would THEN have resulted in me punching you in the face.
Regretfully yours,
One Pissed Off Feminist
This is not a loving humanity sort of day. I do not like it that whenever I cross the campus all I see are hoe-bags with their tits hanging out of their barely-there blouse and every five seconds someone says 'fuck' because AWESOME we're ADULTS now and I can say it ALL THE TIME cuz it's SO COOL.
I do not like what America is becoming. I do not like the self-absorbedness that society is leaning towards. I do not think burying your face in your laptop/cell phone/incessant texting is helping basic manners which are taking a nose dive. I hate the stupidity and rudeness around me. The inward narcissism that verges on a frightening sort of fixation. I hate being the minority. I hate that my parents are not divorced, I grew up going to Sunday School,that I was instilled with manners, the ablility to think about people other than me, a moral center and basic decency and that very few people are like me. I hate that I'm really smart not because I was born that way but because I choose to make myself that way. I ask questions, I search out answers, I have an obsession about knowing things, all sorts of things that when I see other people who are so satisfied with their humdrum, boring, narrowly confined little worlds with little interest in ever breaking out of their comfort zone, that they judge ME as abnormal, it really pisses me off. I hate it because it makes me feel like a freak.
Today while at Special Collections I had my suspicions strengthened.
I noticed as they hired new student workers and that over the past few weeks I've been getting less of a warm reception than when I first started. I've made some social blunders, I believe:
-I'm really not good with names. I'm just not. After the first thirty seconds of introduction I've forgotten your name. It takes me a while but I do get it eventually. I don't generally call people by their first names until I know them pretty well. In fact, it makes me feel super awkward calling someone older than me by their first name when I barely know them. I don't know the workers at all. I see them for three minutes when I walk into the door and that's it. Because I don't call them by their first names I've distanced them from me, therefore pissing them off.
-Small talk. Oh GOD how I hate small talk. I don't give a shit about your cat or dog or kids or how you have a dentist appointment at 1:00pm. I just don't. I don't mind you talking about it, apparently that's what people do and I understand that social amenity but don't expect me to reciprocate. Maybe I'm too mannish this way but when I say something it has a point or a reason. What I ate this morning, where I'm going later in the day, what small stupid things I'm doing aren't your business and are really quite boring as is listening to you. Talk to me about something interesting, intellectual, that you're off to join the circus, or you met the mayor buying tofu at the grocery store or SOMETHING. I don't care if people want to talk about the small things in life but I don't like that I get judged for not joining in. and that's how they see me, in part. The anti-social chick who comes in a couple of times a week to photograph the art books.
-Asking people about themselves. Another Small Talk thing. and this I do have to work on because I know I'm terrible at it. The problem with being a former shut-in is that you lose all concept of being social such as asking people how they are doing (which I have started to change as today I asked everyone I saw how they're doing). Apparently people don't think of my social awkwardness as shyness and they need to give me time to get to know them but read it as snobbiness that's directed towards them and is a personal insult.
What led towards these observations about the failing of my character? Little things. I know the Head of the Department likes me. She smiles and talks to me and asks me decent questions and asks me to do things for them. Some of the people in the department are iffy; they find me decent enough. And some (the ones who thrive on the social amenities of life) find me aloof and anti-social and hard to know, which I suppose is true to some extent. But instead of reading it as, 'well, maybe she's just shy and I have to be a little more outgoing towards her' or 'some people are just quiet but I bet she has an interesting personality once you get to know her' or even 'what a social idiot! I better show her how its done and make her talk to me' I get silence on their part and little whispering, giggling conversations. When two people sit up at the front desk and are talking loudly about one thing one moment, then bend over and whisper and giggle the next, does it not make you suspicious?
And its weird too. I have never been rude (honestly, courtesy has been ground into me by my mother. If I was rude to someone somehow she would know and take it out of my hide. its really terrifying) to these people. never. I might not talk a lot but I have always said 'please' and 'thank you'. I have always made sure to clean up after myself and stay longer to help with something. I have always made sure to offer my help to someone who may need it. Maybe that's why they're on the line about me. They might not outright dislike me but they don't feel very warm towards me either.
I have to wonder, sitting back and looking at it, where lies the responsiblity? Is it my responsiblity to change my outlook, my entire personal makeup if you will, to accommodate these people? Is that my responsiblity? To conform to fit? Do I go on being who I am, those who don't like it be damned? Its a lonely world when you don't fit.
At any rate, I don't have the answers. I will, as always, pray that someday I'm going to find someplace in which I fit. This weekend will be the family reunion so I'll write up what happened next monday.
Monday, August 30, 2010
The First Week of 30...
Is a lot like that last year of 29. The first day of thirty *gag* was spent shopping and ended in sushi and tea. that was fun. the first week was a lot like last week. started photographing the Special Collections vast array of artist books. Sweated in the heat, was grateful it rained yesterday and today dealt with life issues such as my stove (my really, really old retro 1947 stove) gave out so I will survive on a hot plate and frozen dinners until we figure out a replacement or fix it (new wiring?). This weekend will be a family reunion in which I get to talk to relatives about how I'm...jobless, a spinster and see no change of these circumstances for the immediate future.
Seems as though for the moment I'm through with the gallery (and the ex-GM for which I am REALLY REALLY GRATEFUL. Freaking psychopath). Am so desperately hoping for a job at Special Collections which will never happen. Found a bicycle from the depths of granpa's garage. With new tires it'll be good to go and I will have a way to get myself downtown without taking the damned bus.
Have TONS of art ideas, now I need to get them on paper and in a portfolio. and life marches on. and on and on and on.
Is a lot like that last year of 29. The first day of thirty *gag* was spent shopping and ended in sushi and tea. that was fun. the first week was a lot like last week. started photographing the Special Collections vast array of artist books. Sweated in the heat, was grateful it rained yesterday and today dealt with life issues such as my stove (my really, really old retro 1947 stove) gave out so I will survive on a hot plate and frozen dinners until we figure out a replacement or fix it (new wiring?). This weekend will be a family reunion in which I get to talk to relatives about how I'm...jobless, a spinster and see no change of these circumstances for the immediate future.
Seems as though for the moment I'm through with the gallery (and the ex-GM for which I am REALLY REALLY GRATEFUL. Freaking psychopath). Am so desperately hoping for a job at Special Collections which will never happen. Found a bicycle from the depths of granpa's garage. With new tires it'll be good to go and I will have a way to get myself downtown without taking the damned bus.
Have TONS of art ideas, now I need to get them on paper and in a portfolio. and life marches on. and on and on and on.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Of Monumental Events. Or not.
As many nights of my life of the last two years I sit here on the Saturday before the Big One. Trying to coax words of brilliance to leave for my future self and whoever else may read this dribble. I think the only thing I can take away from being twenty something is how little I really know. I’ve barely begun to understand Life As it Is and can only hope that in the future I can live each day, each year with goals and focus and knowledge that I’ve lacked in the last ten. I’ve learned painfully, wholeheartedly that my way of life is different and will never be like anyone else’s and its fine. That is- if I may, if God wills it I want to accomplish Big Things – though I do not know what. I can say on the last day of twenty-nine that I don’t feel any different from what I felt from when I was twenty five. Minor differences that only experience has lent me. Which I suppose sums it all up; its what experience makes of you not your age. From this day forward I want to leave behind old baggage and regrets as old bitterness and anger hasn’t gotten me very far. Stop being angry, stop feeling cheated, stop wishing it were different. I want to live the life I fantasized about as a stupid teenager. I want to see each day out, I want to do as many different things as I can. Its shaky ground from here. Like any foolish youngin’ I never imagined turning thirty could happen to me, I am unprepared. Life isn’t the way I expected it to be, this isn’t where I wanted to be. I don’t know what will happen from here; it feels like uncharted territory. I only hope I have learned enough to keep my head above water, whatever may come I know at least some of it will be difficult. Not much more to say. I always agreed with the motto ‘keep it short and sweet’.
As many nights of my life of the last two years I sit here on the Saturday before the Big One. Trying to coax words of brilliance to leave for my future self and whoever else may read this dribble. I think the only thing I can take away from being twenty something is how little I really know. I’ve barely begun to understand Life As it Is and can only hope that in the future I can live each day, each year with goals and focus and knowledge that I’ve lacked in the last ten. I’ve learned painfully, wholeheartedly that my way of life is different and will never be like anyone else’s and its fine. That is- if I may, if God wills it I want to accomplish Big Things – though I do not know what. I can say on the last day of twenty-nine that I don’t feel any different from what I felt from when I was twenty five. Minor differences that only experience has lent me. Which I suppose sums it all up; its what experience makes of you not your age. From this day forward I want to leave behind old baggage and regrets as old bitterness and anger hasn’t gotten me very far. Stop being angry, stop feeling cheated, stop wishing it were different. I want to live the life I fantasized about as a stupid teenager. I want to see each day out, I want to do as many different things as I can. Its shaky ground from here. Like any foolish youngin’ I never imagined turning thirty could happen to me, I am unprepared. Life isn’t the way I expected it to be, this isn’t where I wanted to be. I don’t know what will happen from here; it feels like uncharted territory. I only hope I have learned enough to keep my head above water, whatever may come I know at least some of it will be difficult. Not much more to say. I always agreed with the motto ‘keep it short and sweet’.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Fargo's Goo
Laaaaaaassst week. Somewhat interesting things going on. Dinner party at the parents house over the weekend. Kind of in at the bar downtown with my artwork; hafta call back AND finish another four paintings in two days (its okay, acrylic is fast and easy to work with). Friend bought Xbox 360 and is lending it to me along with Fable 2 (WOW). Special Collections tomorrow; will be learning a crash course in photography. Need to make cards and other craft things for everybody's birthday which seems to be in August. Took mom out for her birthday to restaurant with snooty hostess, ate a spicy chicken burrito and all in all an interesting week.
Laaaaaaassst week. Somewhat interesting things going on. Dinner party at the parents house over the weekend. Kind of in at the bar downtown with my artwork; hafta call back AND finish another four paintings in two days (its okay, acrylic is fast and easy to work with). Friend bought Xbox 360 and is lending it to me along with Fable 2 (WOW). Special Collections tomorrow; will be learning a crash course in photography. Need to make cards and other craft things for everybody's birthday which seems to be in August. Took mom out for her birthday to restaurant with snooty hostess, ate a spicy chicken burrito and all in all an interesting week.
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