The First Week of 30...

Is a lot like that last year of 29. The first day of thirty *gag* was spent shopping and ended in sushi and tea. that was fun. the first week was a lot like last week. started photographing the Special Collections vast array of artist books. Sweated in the heat, was grateful it rained yesterday and today dealt with life issues such as my stove (my really, really old retro 1947 stove) gave out so I will survive on a hot plate and frozen dinners until we figure out a replacement or fix it (new wiring?). This weekend will be a family reunion in which I get to talk to relatives about how I'm...jobless, a spinster and see no change of these circumstances for the immediate future.
Seems as though for the moment I'm through with the gallery (and the ex-GM for which I am REALLY REALLY GRATEFUL. Freaking psychopath). Am so desperately hoping for a job at Special Collections which will never happen. Found a bicycle from the depths of granpa's garage. With new tires it'll be good to go and I will have a way to get myself downtown without taking the damned bus.
Have TONS of art ideas, now I need to get them on paper and in a portfolio. and life marches on. and on and on and on.

Of Monumental Events. Or not.

As many nights of my life of the last two years I sit here on the Saturday before the Big One. Trying to coax words of brilliance to leave for my future self and whoever else may read this dribble. I think the only thing I can take away from being twenty something is how little I really know. I’ve barely begun to understand Life As it Is and can only hope that in the future I can live each day, each year with goals and focus and knowledge that I’ve lacked in the last ten. I’ve learned painfully, wholeheartedly that my way of life is different and will never be like anyone else’s and its fine. That is- if I may, if God wills it I want to accomplish Big Things – though I do not know what. I can say on the last day of twenty-nine that I don’t feel any different from what I felt from when I was twenty five. Minor differences that only experience has lent me. Which I suppose sums it all up; its what experience makes of you not your age. From this day forward I want to leave behind old baggage and regrets as old bitterness and anger hasn’t gotten me very far. Stop being angry, stop feeling cheated, stop wishing it were different. I want to live the life I fantasized about as a stupid teenager. I want to see each day out, I want to do as many different things as I can. Its shaky ground from here. Like any foolish youngin’ I never imagined turning thirty could happen to me, I am unprepared. Life isn’t the way I expected it to be, this isn’t where I wanted to be. I don’t know what will happen from here; it feels like uncharted territory. I only hope I have learned enough to keep my head above water, whatever may come I know at least some of it will be difficult. Not much more to say. I always agreed with the motto ‘keep it short and sweet’.

Fargo's Goo


Laaaaaaassst week. Somewhat interesting things going on. Dinner party at the parents house over the weekend. Kind of in at the bar downtown with my artwork; hafta call back AND finish another four paintings in two days (its okay, acrylic is fast and easy to work with). Friend bought Xbox 360 and is lending it to me along with Fable 2 (WOW). Special Collections tomorrow; will be learning a crash course in photography. Need to make cards and other craft things for everybody's birthday which seems to be in August. Took mom out for her birthday to restaurant with snooty hostess, ate a spicy chicken burrito and all in all an interesting week.

Geh.

Friday the 13th AND ten days left. Vetoed the idea of going to the coast for my birthday as San Francisco is becoming more and more prone to violence and its kinda freaky. I can just see it - '30 year old woman celebrating her birthday shot in gang crossfire'. I want to do something but I honestly can't think of anything big. No sky diving, no money to travel long distances (besides I suck at traveling anyhow) don't have any desire to go out and drink, don't have any really close friends (most of my friends are seclusional freaks like me anyhow). All I really want is a decent job and my car (money for insurance/gas for car). No minature golfing, no barbeque, Sacramento is blazing hot this time of year, already visited everything around here, don't wanna hike or shop or go to a spa. I don't know what to do with myself. I'll have to sit here and ponder.

The Initiative


I finally shamed myself into taking a more active step in shaping my life and lo! and behold Things are going on this week. I answered an ad in Craigslist for a local bar looking for artwork from local artists. I spoke to the owner on the phone and agreed to come in tomorrow to show him my portfolio. In order to do so I will have to take the bus down; it is something I have been fearing in the back of my head but now I don't have a choice, I have to go if I want a future as an artist. Stupidly it is also my mother's birthday and I clean forgot when I made that appointment so maybe afterwards we'll do something for her. Having a bitch of a time getting a hold of the book arts director so I can get in there and get my pop-up book going. Going to email him AGAIN for the third week in a row hoping that he will actually be there sometime this week.
Thursday I am consigning things at a local junk/antique shop including fabric things I've made from vintage patterns. The woman I showed them to seemed to like them a lot.
The special collections is training me to be a photographer. Like a REAL photographer so I can photograph their collection of artist books. Also got a sneak peak in the back storage unit and it was freaking awesome - it was like opening the door to the Tardis. Here's this little room with offices and boxes and tables then you open another door and it's THREE FOOTBALL LENGTHS OF WALL TO WALL BOOKS. Holy crap that was cool.
So. Here's to courage for the morrow that I can get on that bus and get myself downtown without having a panick attack so I may promote myself as a local artist. Here's to future escapades where I take the initiative to shape my own future. Here's to opening doors.

Sunrise


Sort of an odd start to the day. Very early day. The mother wanted to go to the neighboring state for a historic wine walk and at first I thought maybe I would want to go with. Then last night I thought weeell, it's a four hour drive down, it starts at ten am so we would have to leave around five in the morning, its hovering around the hundred degree mark WITH humidity, a two hour walk then a four hour drive back home - and then said I didn't really want to go. I thought she might cancel seeing how we do everything together pretty much but no, dad went with her so I'm squatting at their house alone for the whole day.
Not sure what to do. Finish dishes, finish watercolor I started yesterday, take a nap and possibly run down the street to Starbucks for a drink (even if I have to walk a good mile or so)
Probably job hunt online, play games?
What a boring Saturday. Though right now I think I want to watch the sun rise, the earth is already past the point where it rises four thirty in the morning. Wow, fall is coming already. will probably check back later with more details of my long long day. alone.

The spell you created

If Geek2Geek and Cupid.com is all that's out there in the dating pool I'm going to die a spinster. On the other hand it is useful for entertainment purposes. 'I like hiking, xbox and WoW' is like 90% of what men are into. Not much here; supertastic boring research work for special collections, bugger me hot and no job prospects.

Overwhelming

Is it really August? Oh dear. Thankfully I can say that Saturday was the last day for Auto L's show and that on one hand I like the guy but on the other hand holy crap he was a pain in the ass. Well, seeing how I am still jobless it looks as though I shall continue on volunteering at the Gallery along with Special Collections. Wavering between death by chocolate or throwing myself off a bridge for my birthday. Chocolate sounds like more fun. Trying not to think of imminant loserdom that, at the fantastic great age of thirty, I will be exactly where I was five years ago except now I have a college degree worth exactly squat.
Life goes on, the family reunion is next month in which I get to see my cousins who will bring their boyfriends and ask me what have I done with my life recently.
Trying to find a gallery in the city that will take my things. Don't know how this will work out seeing how art is dying right and left as the ecomony continues to dwindle.
Have fully embraced my old woman-ness with gardening. Weeding, rather. Trying to make the front yard look nice, if only the grass would cooperate. Fighting an ever lasting war with weeds that seem to pop up every time I yank them out.
Facing phantom limb pain as september rolls by without me being in college. September college was the nicest feeling the world. would settle for a job. onward pointless life in that perhaps someday you'll find meaning.